On this rare gray rainy day in AZ I am tempted to sit in my bed all day and read. Nothing is more relaxing to me than being all cozied up with a good book and a hot drink. I am fighting of this temptation by forcing myself to sit in front of the computer and do something "productive"...like writing on my blog...okay so I've accepted the fact that I am getting nothing accomplished in the real world for the next 15 minutes.
The book I'm reading is entitled "Committed" and it is written by the author of "Eat, Pray, Love", Elizabeth Gilbert. She is a gifted writer which is the main reason I picked it up and also because I delight in her wit and charm and somehow feel she is my long lost sister. She challenges the issue of matrimony and has a skeptics take on the whole bit. A recovering divorcee she openly admits she is hardened to the idea of marriage based on her failed experience and she has every right to be.
Well of course she meets a man and falls in love...now what!? Well you can always cohabitate and pretend to be somewhere in the middle of marriage, and casual dating...statistics show this is not always a good decision ( I hate to use stats but my personal feelings on shacking up are a lot more complicated). Well in the author's case the government made the decision for them and they must get married so her lover can move to the U.S. She is beyond scared of the idea and at first hates the idea of being married again. But why!?
This book should be entitled "The Skeptics Guide to Not Only Getting Hitched But Staying". I have been challenged in my own view on marriage and what commitment truly is. One of my favorite comments in the book is "The only thing that is consistent with marriage is change". You will change, your spouse will change, and everyone around you will be in a constant state of change. Even marriage itself will continue to change, but the way people think about marriage is probably the only thing that remains the same. By this I mean the EXPECTATIONS of what marriage should be and look like. We're entering choppy waters folks!
I personally went into my own marriage with the mindset that the sex would be great and that I would always be in the mood to rip John's clothes off...wrong. That my husband would always be romantic and be in constant thought of what he could do for me next...wrong. That a large part of my happiness would come from my husband and he should always try to make me happy...WAY wrong, thankfully. I knew not everyone had marriages like that but I was going to be different and we were going to have a "great marriage", whatever that is!? I realized quickly that my idea of this holy matrimony thing was way off and I couldn't be more relieved! This book has made me dissect these notions I had and why I had them, afterall, that's how you change your way of thinking is to realize why you thought a certain way in the first place.
I am only half way through the book and have soaked the authors raw and realistic view on marriage up! It is important to stay/be independent in a relationship, to be the creator and dictator of your personal happiness (that is too much to put on one person alone and God forbid anyone put that pressure on YOU), and to NOT expect, expect, expect ( this one I've personally struggled with)! I have already noticed a change in my own marriage and I think I've been a lot easier to be around....well you'd have to ask my hubby on that one!? Anyways this is getting way too long and I doubt anyone will ever read this far ( I don't blame them)! I am still trying to figure this whole being a wife thing out and I have a love/hate relationship with being challenged on it. I hate realizing I am a terrible wife in someways but love having the knowledge and opportunity to make changes in myself! My whole notion of being a wife is being completely rocked too...I will save those thoughts for another day! your welcome.